Hello, Romneytron 2012 Customer Service. “Believe in America.” How may I help you?
Hi, I just voted for the Romneytron 2012 but I am not sure its empathy circuit is acting right.
What do you mean?
It is saying all sorts of strange things like: “I like to fire people who provide services to me” and “I’m not concerned about the very poor.” It even strapped its dog to the roof of the car for a twelve-hour road trip and shows no sign of remorse.
More after the jump.
It sounds like it is stuck in “Tea Party mode”. Have you tried resetting it?
That’s what I thought. I called earlier when the Romneytron locked up the nomination and your colleague Eric Fehrnstrom said “It’s almost like an Etch-A-Sketch. You can kind of shake it up and restart all over again.”
Did that help?
Not really. It turns out the Romneytron assaulted a student who he suspected of being gay, forced him to the ground and clipped his hair with a pair of scissors. And now he shows no regret for having committed a hate crime.
I don’t know what you customers want. You said the Romneytron 2001 was too French. You said the Romneytron 2002 was too pro-Choice. You said the Romneytron 2008 wasn’t conservative enough. There is no way to satisfy you people.
What ever happened to “The customer is always right?” I just want a leader who cares about my problems and will take my side.
I love being able to hang up on people.